Running With Shadows
by Mirage2
Summary: Reflective piece on Nightcrawler's past...
1. Default Chapter

Ramblings and disclaimers: Though I desperately wish for my own fuzzy elf, this one is not mine, he belongs to Kitty and Kitty or any of the other x-members in my stories belong to marvel. All facts regarding classes and other subtleties are from the profiles released by marvel. The song "Deadliner" belongs to the genius Gary Numan. Enjoy, and PLEASE no flaming, it's possible to offer criticism without breaking my itsy bitsy self-esteem. Thanks and on with the fic!!!…

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So I close my eyes and drift into sleep,

But something is here,

In the dark, in the dream.

Like a cruel wind clutching my heart,

I feel more than I see,

Like a clue to a nightmare that I

Can't believe.

Then it touches me and I try to scream,

And a thought tears me inside.

And I will do anything,

Anything, you understand?

Just to wake up.

Running With Shadows

It was surprisingly bright out for the unholier hours of the night. Not that this concerned the boy running as fast as his four limbs could move him, though Kurt Wagner did realize it made it much easier for him to navigate. Of course, the full moon also made it easier for his pursuers to track him.

Kurt cursed softly in his native language as a jagged branch re-opened the three day old gash that had just begun to heal on his calf. In an attempt to stifle his cry of pain his lower lip darkened with blood as his fangs punctured it. This didn't matter though; a scream could cost him dearly. 

His chest ached, seeming to shrink with each rapid cycle of breath-in / breathe-out and naturally cold night air felt like searing icicles inside his nostrils and throat. His entire body was as one exposed nerve, one second the pain was excruciating and with the next pulse it was a dull ache, but it was never dulled enough to offer any chance of relief. Currently the pain was hardly a priority, however the pain that would result should he stop was. So he kept running. Willing himself to breathe, taxing his body to it's limits and straining to see, while blinking away tears from the lashing winds. 

Branches swung towards his face, but he managed to evade the worst of them. He lost the most ground leaping over a fallen trunk and snagging his tail on some thorny foliage in the process. While it only took seconds to free, it gave his pursuers a chance to put an extremely small distance between them. 

Kurt recovered quickly as his overworked body would allow and took off at an unforgiving speed. It wasn't until several moments later that his mind accepted the observations of his body. His feet registered the semi-smooth cobble stone rather than twigs and soft dirt and his peripheral sight revealed buildings instead of tree trunks. However, his elfin ears reminded him that he was still being chased. He'd hoped when he turned it would offer a way to lose them, but as he swiveled his gaze from the darkness to the torchlights behind him he realized it was unlikely. Maybe it was for the best he'd turned; he couldn't have evaded the wall had he seen it anyway. 

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"Neeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiin!…"

Kurt just dropped there onto his one good knee and clutched the stones with his three fingered hands. How could this be? It wasn't fair, he was so tired, and it was just too much. Why did they hate him so? Why did they always have to hate him? He hadn't meant any harm in taking the bread, he was hungry and he'd even left the money for it on the vendor's counter. His hand was only visible for an instant. But he'd never meant any harm now had he? And an instant was all it took for someone to realize.

An instant, for the wind to blow and shift his cloak enough to reveal what he was. An instant and his tail would twitch the wrong way. An instant, for someone to try and see the beggar's face and succeed. An instant, before the one person who was supposed to love him unconditionally cast him to his mother nature's care. Except, even mother nature couldn't love this freakish son, and she too cast him away, rarely offering him shelter from the villagers when they found him out.

Kurt crouched and let the fight ebb out of him. He'd tried, for so long and he'd run so far every time, but as with the cliché no matter how far you run you'll never escape yourself. Yellow eyes glowed weakly, narrowing at the piercing torchlight, by which he could make out the people's clunky forms and the glints off the tips of the farmers' pitchforks. Though he wanted to, his weary body wouldn't shut out their shouts:

"Freak!" "Demon!" "The devil's own it is!" "Destroy it!" "Monster!"

Kurt Wagner couldn't even shut them out completely when he woke moments later. They echoed around him as he shakily peeled the sheets from his sweat-matted fur. The blurry glow of the digital numbers indicated to him there was still a half-hour before he needed to get ready for school.

All information in regards to Nightcrawler's past comes from the original animated series (and one of my fav episodes Gambit and Nightcrawler in the same episode…what could be better?!) and my limited knowledge of his roles in the comic books. Right now it's just kind of a reflective piece on Kurt's past, but if I don't get too busy I'm thinking of continuing it. Hope you enjoyed…best wishes to all…~~*~~


	2. Daybreak

Same disclaimers apply as with the first part. Since a reviewer kindly, but unnecessarily pointed out to me, I decided I'd warn everyone, I am HORRIBLE with the rules of grammar and punctuation (I try honest, I will learn one day…) – just mentally fix any errors while you read (but if I've made any blatant errors please e-mail me the specifics so I can fix them, I'd really appreciate that, thanks). All songs mentioned are property of their respective owners and Nightcrawler's musical tastes comes from his bio…the Beatles just happen to be one of my all time favorite bands too, so it makes it easier to use their music. If Kurt seems a little too moody and broody (he's learning from Cyke…j/k…and I love Scott, so don't get mad) this comes from the side he hides so well by being cheerful and a prankster – c'mon the kid was abandoned less than an hour after his birth and chased from village to village. Anyways, thanks to everyone who reviewed – I really appreciate it ~~~~ I feel sooo special. ^_^ FYI …_ 'this means someone's thoughts'… _and _~voice in someone's mind other than their own…' Now_, on with the fic…

Running With Shadows

Part 2 – Daybreak

_And I will do anything,_

_Anything, you understand?_

_Just to wake up._

Kurt's skin trembled beneath his damp fur as he sat in bed with his gaze seemingly transfixed on his dirty t-shirt. The t-shirt however was nowhere near being a concern to him at the moment. That was twice in one night, but he considered himself fortunate to have fallen back to sleep the second time (well, maybe his porting all over the mansion grounds before plopping back in bed had a little to do with it). He'd spent two hours listening to BNL and the Beatles in an effort to focus the direction of his dreams. He'd replayed, "Pinch Me" eight times and when he got tired of that he played "Here, There and Everywhere" over and over trying to concentrate on one of his happiest thoughts. 

It was focusing on this thought that probably sparked his subconscious into another bout of nightmares. But it was hard to think about her without sometimes thinking about him. This, was of course a topic he usually avoided, it wasn't that he minded himself; I mean he was born like this – it was natural, so it didn't bother him. What bothered him was that it bothered everyone else and it wasn't just the superstitious townspeople either. That had been bad, downright cruel in fact, but loathe as he was to admit it and not that he condoned it – he understood it. The same way he tried to make himself understand, though it always cut a little the way Kitty looked at those cute football players or the "hottie" as she'd say at the arcade – the way she would never look at him. So then why did it hurt so much if he understood? Because even though he accepted his appearance, others had to "Get used to it…" as the professor had so nicely put it – but it hadn't made Kurt feel any better.

Each of his teammates had to live with the fear of being discovered; he knew it was hard on them too. Scott, could never take off his shades – _'…does he even remember vhat color his eyes are…?' _Evan, well his powers were a little easier to hide – _'…as long as he's careful no one can tell, but do they ever hurt him as much as they could potentially hurt someone else…?' _Jean, well Jean was just your average, understanding, popular and beautiful 17 year old – and she wasn't self-absorbed in the slightest as she could have been – _'…her powers caused her pain in the beginning, but it's so easy to hide them… ' _Kitty, did he really want to think about her, did he ever stop? She could phase through just about anything – _'…it has its convenient uses, though she's not crazy about being different – who is…?' _And then there was Rogue, he sympathized with her the most, she was isolated – no human contact – ever. He found it hard to pity himself when he thought about her powers – he couldn't touch anyone either because they'd know what he was instantly. _'…but I can still touch others, even if it is only a few and will never…who are you kidding man, you'll only depress yourself more…' _

He flung the covers completely off of him with a little rougher than was required, drudging over to his closet. His fur flared up a bit with the sensation of the chills he had throughout his skin. He hated this part of waking up; he'd barely get any sleep, toss and turn all night through, wake up covered in sweat, haunted by shattered memories of his dreams and nearly catch cold as one of his top ten worst feelings coursed through him. The feel of chilled sweat on skin (or fur) that was nearly burning up moments before as it was hit with the cool morning air. 

Well, time for the start of what was turning into his morning ritual, after picking out clothes, popping in a CD in an effort to calm down, as much as one can calm down while finishing that put off homework, he ported to the bathroom. When the smoke dispersed Kurt nearly ported back to his room out of shock. He looked, well – frightening, and _'…it's not because of the fur and tail,…' _Kurt thought while fingering the deep and dark markings under his eyes. The worst part came when he bent to retrieve the clothing he'd dropped. A piercing jolt cut its way from between his shoulder blades and went through to the point of his tail.It was beyond agonizing to feel, but he was just too weak to do more than choke on his cry of pain. 

He half crawled his way into the shower from where he'd nearly collapsed on the tiles and turned on a brutal stream of the scorching water that usually soothed him. Generally, somehow the hot water erased all traces of the fouler parts of his mood and allowed him to work up a fairly civil mood of good cheer, or at least enough to hide how he'd really been feeling the past few weeks. 

He'd easily balanced and hid all traces for a while now, but lately it was getting harder and harder to drag himself to school in the morning, or for an outing with everyone on the weekends – fortunately no one had noticed, yet. _'…vell at least the inducer is good for that, can't see the marks under my eyes…'_ His nightmares were so real, well they were his memories being replayed for the most part after all. Except his recurring dream hadn't happened exactly like that in his past and some of the other dreams he had were just mismatched memories merging themselves, he we there, experiencing it all over again. There, was one of the many problems, he lived them again through his eyes AND his body. When he woke from a dream where he'd been struck that part of him ached for a few hours after he got up and forget it if he'd been running. 

This morning was no different, if not worse.

*****

As Celine serenaded the neat bedroom she was nearly crushed to death as Kitty swung an arm out from under the sheets and smacked the off switch. 

_'Ohhh, morning already? And I was having like so close to figuring it out this time.'_ Kitty allowed a wide grin to dominate her face as she mused in the lingering thoughts surrounding her dream. She'd been in this beautiful forest relishing the perfect play of sunlight through the trees and savoring the warmth. Not knowing where she was or why and somehow knowing she needed and more importantly wanted to be. It was peaceful in her forest, it didn't matter that she was a mutant, or that she was a freshman or no good at gym class. It didn't even matter that she was good with math and science and lots of other things. What mattered was she loved it here, she'd even loved the fact that she had a mystery on her hands. Sure she shared this place with all the creatures that inhabited it, but she'd found it felt like it belonged to someone besides her. Once she'd even seen a shadowy figure before it darted off when she'd stepped on a twig trying to catch the person, and she'd always felt like she was being watched. Not in a negative way, more like being observed. 

_'Whatever, as long as I feel great when I wake up who cares whose watching – maybe it's Scott or like that hunky friend of his from the basketball team.'_ Kitty giggled at her last thought, maybe it was a premonition of good things to come. _'Oh, that would be like so totally cool…'_

With that in mind Kitty went to scour her closet for the perfect outfit to wear to school – just in case…

Jean hummed a bar "Uninvited" with an added edge of anger to it as she stirred the pan of yellow goo before her.It wasn't that she minded having breakfast duty, it was that her designated partner hadn't bothered to come down yet and help.She was just about to mentally yell at Kurt to get his tail in gear when a rather sluggish Nightcrawler made his way into the kitchen, watch already turned on for the day.

"Morning Kurt, have a nice rest?"Jean asked one hand on her hip and the other pointing the spatula at him."I certainly hope so because…"

Kurt winced a little looking slightly embarrassed."Sorry Jean I forgot I vas supposed to help until just a few minutes ago."

"Well, just get a move on getting the table set, unless you want to explain to Logan why breakfast isn't ready.And you know how he is when he wakes up this early."

Kurt needed no further prompting than that and quickly grabbed the stack of dishes, napkins and various utensils bringing them into the dining room.The table blurred a little as he placed a plate, utensils and napkin at each chair and he sat down at the head of the table to rest and it only took a few seconds before he was fast asleep. 

I KNOW it's still short…but it's longer than the last one – promise. I just have limited access to a 'puter so typing and posting take awhile….more soon. ^_~ Pleasant dreams to all…! 


End file.
